Messy me.

Why is it I can never eat a meal without spilling it down my shirt? OK, I’ll give you that it’s not every meal, but I would say it would be a fifty – fifty split, which would be a conservative estimate. It doesn’t matter where I am, I can’t say it only happens when I’m out as it happens at home too.

I think this is genetic, my mother does this all the time too, and maybe it’s not necessarily the spilling that is genetic but where it lands – right in the middle of ample bosom land, and this I am assured I do get from my mother.

Now I have a friend that is flat chested, if you cut off her head you wouldn’t be able to pick her as a girl, she has the spilling gene also, but all her spills land straight in her lap! Much, much easier to hide.

It has come to the point that I am consciously aware of it now and take extra care that it does not happen, but still the spills just keep coming.

My worst experience to date was a few months back when I went out to lunch with a friend, we had Chinese and – you guessed it – chop sticks. Now I am not an old hat to the chopstick phenomenon but I wouldn’t starve if they were the only form of eating tool. On this day I did not have one, but three separate spills. The front of my shirt was looking a little like the buffet table itself!

Once my hideous friend had stopped laughing, which took a while let me tell you, she told me she wanted to go to a nearby shop before we left to get something. I looked down at my shirt, she started to laugh AGAIN and said “too bad, come on…..” I love my friends.

Now luckily, all was not lost I had purchased something earlier and I used the bag as cover, you know where you cross your arms over your chest as you hold the bag close to you. This, I am sure looked ridiculous, but not as much as buffet shirt would have.

So I followed her around the shop in a childlike, “are you done yet?” fashion and finally she was.

We went home and I discarded said shirt to the washing pile and put on a fresh one in readiness for the next meal.

Maybe I should just get a bib and be done with it.