Mundane Murmurs

Talk about the boring and ordinary world that is my life.

Monday, July 26, 2004

Birdshit and a bone

So it’s raining today (as it was yesterday, and the day before, and the day before and even the day before that – I think). So what exciting escapades have I gotten up to over the weekend? A big fat nothing, I finished my report and sent it off, but my most exciting jaunt was out to buy groceries and to get my boy (this is my dog) a bone, which closely resembles the rib cage of a cow (probably because that is exactly what it is!). He spent literally hours trying to rip the ribs from the spine, I even went out with a hammer (ok it was a meat mallet) and a knife to give him a hand, but to no avail, that cartilage is something else. But I notice the bone is gone this morning, so I think it is secretly buried somewhere in an effort to rot those joints away – no doubt in a few days I will probably be able to tell where it is from the tell tale stench.

So the most exciting thing to happen today? Well the rain on my car today has washed away the bird shit that has been on the bonnet for about 2 weeks now (it’s just a car, I could give a shit if it looks clean). But let me tell you of the story of how it got there to start with. I park my car down by the river which is about a block from where I work, everywhere else it is 2 hour parking and the parking inspector gets around, so if you don’t want a ticket you park down by the river. So about a fortnight ago I parked my car under a Eucalyptus tree down there, in the shade, you know. Now I am not sure if you are familiar with the Sulphur Crested Cockatoo (these are big white parrots with a yellow crest) or the Galah (these look the same as the white Cockatoo’s but are grey with pink crests and wings). These fuckers always hang around in the trees here, the Australian natives actually(the trees that is), they eat the nuts in them you see. I blame these birds entirely for the rest of this story.

So I go to get in my car in the semi dark, as usual. I’m driving along (as usual) and I look toward the passenger side of the windscreen. I can see a grey/white looking patch on the window, but I am not too sure of what this is at this stage and think – hey lets get that off the windscreen.

Easy job right? Well it may have been if I had any water in the windscreen squirty things (I have no idea of the real name of these). So I hit the water squirty knob and what happens? Well no water to speak of but the windscreen wipers automatically go in an attempt to remove the water that isn’t there and in effect smearing this very fresh and very large pile of bird shit across the windscreen. I was like someone had thrown a bucket of white paint across the windscreen. I couldn’t see shit (yeah, I get the pun).

So here I am squinting through the whitewashed windscreen trying to make my way along the road. The worst of it is I don’t have a tap (that I can turn on – I am a weakling – I admit it) or any kind of hose in the front yard, so I limp (figuratively speaking, of course, I am after all still driving the car), with very restricted vision to the nearest Servo and pull up – to get petrol of course and hey, since I’m there anyway, I may as well clean my windscreen. I have never seen so much bird shit in all my life and I am very careful I don’t lean in it as I clean, don’t need to explain what that stain is.

I think I must have parked my car under some community branch for the birds, or at least their public toilet. So now I always look up when I park. No tree, that’s the spot for me!

8 Comments:

  • At 11:47 pm, Blogger Sara said…

    Be careful when you are looking up because they might just go on you. Once I was driving back to the cold country in January and I turned one my squirter thingies and the wipers. The water froze immediately and I couldn't see shit (no pun intended). I had to pull over and couldn't see where I was. Thank goodness it was midnight and no one was on the highway.

     
  • At 5:17 am, Blogger Seeker said…

    Due to your good work I am now listing you upon my links section!

     
  • At 5:19 am, Blogger Seeker said…

    Ok wait I am a bit fucked up I already had you listed WTF I am a loser and do not rule for the next two hours.

     
  • At 12:24 pm, Blogger Nord said…

    Sara - I have a bird shit on me before (more than once, I believe) it's supposed to be good luck - or so say all the people standing around you laughing. As for the ice, yep I have done this also but usually in an attempt to remove it from the windscreen if I park outside in winter, I’ve put water on to get rid of the ice but instead it just ices over more – credit cards however make very good ice scrapers in this instance I have found out (especially if you are away from home and are without water).

    Seek – You totally crack me up, and I will always be your humble servant (in a ‘you rule’ kinda way). Is that 2 hours up yet? I have something I wish to present to my liege.....

     
  • At 1:15 pm, Blogger Tsarina said…

    I have no choice but to park under trees at home. My car is always a travelling bird toilet, which doesn't bother me most of the time, but when my new employer said, "looks like you have a mulberry bush", I nearly died. (Don't know if you have them there, but they are purple berries that cause the birds to shit BRIGHT FUCKING PURPLE!)

     
  • At 1:56 pm, Blogger Nord said…

    Ha, ha – yes this has happened to me too, I am not sure if they are Mulberry’s but I have had purple shit on a red car I used to own, I left it for so long, with the mindset of I’ll clean that off later (and you know later never comes!) until when I finally did clean it, it had become a permanent stain, but alas that car is long gone.

     
  • At 5:19 pm, Blogger Seeker said…

    yes my self imposed exile was up long ago.

     
  • At 8:49 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

     

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