The Chronicles of Ridiculousness

I have been slacking and for this I apologise. I am not having a crisis I just don’t honestly have much to say (oh, how my friends would laugh at me if I said this to them – I always have something to say…).

But today I want to talk about this. I watched the Chronicles of Riddick (excuse all spelling – I don’t know how this is spelt – the name that is) last night, not at the movies on my PC, a copy that a friend obtained for me from a glorious information tool called the internet (I wont say much more about it for fear of the repercussions – but let’s say I didn’t pay for it (other than to be ridiculed in my request of which film I wanted) and I haven’t sold it either so I should be safe as far as the warnings go, right? Oh well).

Now I love Vin Diesel (or Mark Vincent, as is his actual name, yes I am ashamed to say, I have done a little underhanded internet based I am a crazy stalker search to find out more about him). But he’s not exactly an intellectual is he. Hey, don’t get me wrong, he could be a Rhodes Scholar (as I don’t personally know him), but the parts he chooses to play are all about the brawn. But this said, I am not complaining, I am up for a little bit of brawn as much as (if not more so) than the next girl. But this movie (as with most of his movies – I said most, there is always an exception to the rule) was kinda crap.

I glossed over the fact that it has lots of cool effects in it, but it had a lame predictable story (sorry, to all who enjoyed it – well I’m not that sorry; on a visual level I kinda enjoyed it too). When it finished and I was wondering if I missed something. (A bit like when I watched Eyes Wide Shut – man, I spend 3 plus hours watching that, spending most of the latter part of that film waiting for something to happen, then the end credits roll only to have me asking if they actually stopped the movie when I went to the bathroom, because I must have missed something – must have… this movie (EWS), ranks as my top choice for things that I have wasted my time doing and will never get the precious time back – I was told my teenage brother that I just didn’t get it (as if he’s all knowing) but, damn straight – I didn’t get it). But I digress. Ok short plot synopsis, he (Vin, of course, as he is the topic de jour) is the ‘chosen’ and will in the end kill the evil ruler trying to wipe out all mankind (ok, not just wipe out convert, to their (the evil guys), religiony thing too – see I payed attention – kinda). I would have saved myself a couple of hours if I’d just read a review I guess, but then again I wouldn’t have got the visual pleasure that keeps me coming back to watch his movies. Alas though ladies, from memory, there is no shirt removal, but he does spend a bit of time being all chained up and he flexes those muscles with various ass kickings (administered to others) by him.

So what have I said? Nothing really, as usual, but I think my main point is I am shallow. I will watch these, no plot, crap movies to get a glance at the pretty, I know that I won’t get too much value from them and the most I can come up with for comment at the end is something along the lines of, “Man that Vin Diesel is hot, yeah?” Well at least I didn’t pay to see it like I usually do when I go to see one of his flicks, its an unhealthy obsession, I know, I know… did anyone see ‘A man apart’? No?, well I did (I was alone in the theatre, with the friend who came with me on opening night) – I rest my case.

PS – I watched ‘Hell Boy’, the day before and thought it was a much better flick (judge me as you will…).