The inspection

This tale is dedicated to and inspired by Regan, our Evil Science Chick. But it is also for all the whiners who couldn’t wait for another post…

Ok this took place in the house I lived in before the current one, the real estate I had was anal, beyond all call of duty if you ask me. I got an inspection notice regularly every three months, bleuch! (I note this point, as this is the only real estate to ever do this to me – I was in one place where they inspected it once in 3 years, and this is when the owner wanted to have a look).

So I get the letter from the real estate, I stick it up on the fridge, as always – that’s where all the stuff to do (mostly bills) and things to know go. So we get down to the day before, now in this letter there is a disclosure, this appointment is for blah, blah… as we have a lot of inspections that we need to do these times cannot be changed…blah, blah…you can be present if you want blah, blah…. Now this pisses me (and to be honest is illegal, the real estate cannot refuse to change when they do an inspection as they are required by law to have your permission). In the past I always insisted being there for the inspection but I had to take time off and I had better things to do so after a while I thought screw them they can do what they want.

Now my house has been know to be untidy (never dirty, just untidy) on the odd occasion, oh yes it is true… but this one inspection (and yes even with 2 weeks notice, or more I’m not too sure). I though fuck that shit, they are here to look at the house, make sure I haven’t knocked any holes in the walls, etc. so I ain’t tidying shit for them. (please excuse my (lack thereof) eloquence).

So I leave the dishes (only the night before, not the last months worth) on the sink (in a nice pile, lets not get too carried away) and the rest of the house is clean and a little untidy, but in order, you know piled up here and there, no obvious mess anyhow. So off to work I go.

Now the inspection is for between 9am and 5 pm (oh yes, that was there vague, be there or you might miss us timetable), but I have already stated I was not going to be hanging around. So anyway later that afternoon I get a call. Yes it is from the real estate. I have a (mostly) positive attitude about this as I know the place was ok. But here is the hit. Some girl, oh lets call her Hesitant, gets on the phone.

Hesi “I completed your house inspection today”.

Me “Oh yes is everything ok?”

Hesi “Umm, well no actually, there is a problem…”

Me “Oh really? What’s wrong?”

Hesi “Ummmmm”

Me “Yes”

Hesi “Umm…. the house was a little untidy”

Me “Untidy? Could you be a little more specific?”

Hesi “Ummm, it was just untidy”

Me “Right….I don’t know what that means… what was untidy?”

Hesi “Well, it was just untidy; I am going to do another inspection next week…”

Oh my god!!!! I snapped…

Me “Look, you have to be more specific, untidy does not tell me what is wrong. Tell me what is untidy. I can’t fix something if I don’t know what it is!” yeah, I might have raised my voice a little.

Hesi “Well I will come back next week, look the house was a little untidy… umm hold on…”

So I am holding…

Someone else comes onto the phone, lets call her oh I don’t know, Normal.

Norm “Hey Nord, how are you?”

Me “Oh not too bad, Norm, can you tell me what this is about?”

Norm “Umm, well, not really…. oh hang on.” So normal goes away for a sec and comes back…

Norm “Well, Hesi said the place was a bit untidy”

Me “Jesus, what the hell does that mean, I need a few details here”

Norm “Yeah, it doesn’t really say too much does it? Hang on I’ll ask her” Oh to hear a voice (faint as it was), of reason.

So she goes away again, so I am waiting again. And she is back.

Norm “Umm, yeah, she said your dishes weren’t done…”

Me “What?!? You’re kidding me?”

Norm “No that’s what she said”

Me “So your telling me your coming back to my house next week for another inspection to see if I’ve done my dishes?”

Norm “Ahhhh… no I wouldn’t think so”

Me “I thought you were supposed to check if I had smashed a hole in the wall or burnt away half the carpet”

Norm “Yeah, that is what we are checking for, hey look, don’t worry, no one will be coming back next week, sorry about the hassle, I’ll have a talk to her”

Me “Yeah, you do that.”

And I never heard from her again, Hesitant never did another inspection of my place again and I never got another call. Oh and just to spite them, I never did my dishes when I had an inspection. Screw them!