Oh, shit….

I have been gone too long, but I don’t think the journey is done quite yet. I will give you an update as I fear I may have lost everyone while I was away.

Starting Tuesday (as this is when it happened) I was off work sick (nothing serious or of any great importance) but all I can say is I am glad (in a way) that I was. Why I hear you ask, are you ready for the tale? Let me begin.

Once again on Tuesday, I was home sick asleep in my bed. I woke up to an unusual – what the hell is that smell? So I got up and the most disgusting thing you had ever seen was escaping the ensuite (the bathroom attached to the bedroom). Now for a bit of clarity, in Oz we have drain (overflow I believe they are called) in the middle of every room (with the exception of the toilet and the kitchen) that has any kind of water facet.

Now on this particular day, I did hear a strange gurgling sound and I turned and went back to sleep (a mistake I soon found out). Now to tell what happened. Raw sewage (black water, not grey) had come up through all the drains in my house, in effect flooding it. It was in the ensuite and had come out onto the carpet in the master bedroom, it had come up through the laundry, which was next to the kitchen and had come out the doorway into the kitchen and finally it had come up through the bathroom and all down the hall into all 3 bedroom doorways and all around the edges of the dining room. Yummy!!

Now for a quick visual it looked like grey water with brown (umm yes imagine this to be whatever you wish) I would say chunks but they were small and broken up, more like a sludge really, floating on the top of the water. And oh my god, the stench.

So this happened about 4pm. It took me a nanosecond to get on the phone to the real estate, I got the stupid dozy chick who pissed me around about the pool (great!!) but when I explained the situation (perhaps a little too firmly) she said she would get a plumber to come around straight away (a little too late perhaps) and call me back to let me know who, blah, blah. So I let her go, fingers crossed it wont take 3 months to get him out (ummm). But within maybe 10 minutes I had a call back – but this time by the property manager, who said that the plumber was on his way (and should be there very soon) and she was also coming to have a look (with a camera (YAY!!! Poopy shots, incidentally I do not have any copies and did not take any for you - sorry)).

So anyhow the plumber arrives, does the much to be heard over the next few days “Oh, shit” (giggle), yes the puns on this – oh the hilarity (not). Well anyhow he went down in the back yard and tried to plunge the drain, but to no avail. He then called the council and said that they should look down the manhole in their pipes because this should not have happened (Really? And here I’m thinking this is a regular occurrence throughout the homes in town).

So the council comes out – climbs down stinky manhole and I never see them again (mostly because at 8pm I went to a motel – not that they disappeared into the twilight zone) and they had yet to re-emerge. The property manager also came, gagged while taking photos and then stood outside for the further hour or so she was around. She also arranged a cleaner (by this time it was 7ish – and almost everyone had packed up and gone for the day).

The cleaner came armed with some seriously thick industrial strength rubber gloves, a face mask (not of the Michael Jackson kind but more of the toxic fumes/gas mask kind) and a Stanley knife and oh my god he went to town on the carpet cutting it to shreds (under the guise of lifting it up to see how far the sewage had gotten).

I was told by him that as this is raw sewage the house is now a health hazard and I cannot live there, henceforth (ok he didn’t use that word but I like it and he used many more words to say the same thing), pretty much a get your clothes and get out scenario. I was asked if I had anywhere to go (sob, sob, I didn’t) so he suggested a few motels and I called and checked in. I questioned about paying for this (I do not want to be footing the very unnecessary bill for all of this). And was assured it would be covered by insurance, who’s? Fingers crossed someone else’s (oh I have insurance but none of this is my doing). Yes well, we’ll see. So off I went.

To make a very long story short. I spent the next two nights in a motel on day two I was told the house will take over a month to fix/clean, whatever. And it would be best if I moved to a new place, permanently – WTF!?!? So to condense even further by day two I had found a new place and day three I moved. The fuckers wont pay for my removal and looks as though I have to go back to the council and get them to pay, as they are the ones at fault(oh I never did say what happened). A tree root had grown through the council pipe blocking it and causing the back flow – yes it was also a council tree (this makes a difference apparently - if someone else's tree, too bad for me).

So I have to write a full account and send it off, itemise the damage, blah, blah, oh and of course enclose a copy of the rank photos.

So this is what I have been doing since Tuesday. I hope if anyone still reads this you are all well and as I am still in the process of unpacking (but yes as my mother mentioned yesterday I have unpacked my PC – I have crazy priorities, my TV isn’t plugged in (I’m too lazy) and the PC was crying out to me every time I walked past). I will try to be more regular at blogging, but please forgive me as this is a most unusual circumstance. Evicted by shit, who’da thunk it?